Tribute to Sabrina - Marie Alba, Edmonton, AB.
Sabrina is my baby sister. We are 7 years apart and when you’re kids that is a big age gap. I played with dolls while she was still in diapers but as we grew up we became closer.
We traveled a lot as kids. We were always hanging out with our cousins. We played, we fought, I chauffeured her around during her teen years. We were very different but very alike in many ways and have so much in common. I will miss being together for our love of Autumn and the cozyness it brings; Christmas with it's twinkling lights and Charlie Brown movies and the obvisous special meaning of the holiday...it was our favorite. I will miss her love of Halloween. I will miss our texts every time a random heart appears in some unexpected place we find one. I will miss talking about our Banff trips, one of our favourite places to go. I will miss her homemade gluten free treats like the black bean avocado brownies and all the pies she was so talented at making. I still can not make pie crust like she could.
I was her ‘voice of reason’ and she was my ‘don’t worry be happy’. We argued like only sisters argue and she always had your back.
Sabrina and I had some amazing times together. I have wonderful memories that will remain with me forever. One of my favourite times was when just the two of us went to Italy together. I’m so thankful we did that trip.
Sabrina was the best at telling stories. She just had this way of telling them that had everyone laughing. Sabrina loved hanging out with friends and family and any chance she could get to have a BBQ or get together she made sure it happened. She had the gift of hospitality. She was my baby sister who I shared my childhood with, who grew up and became my best friend. She was kind and always thought of others needs. She was strong, opinionated, funny, caring, and had a great sense of humor. She loved my girls a lot. I miss her something fierce. She was taken way too soon.
As sisters we weren’t perfect. We annoyed each other, made fun of each other, said stupid things but we were always there for one another, and loved the heck out of each other.
On August 7th, 2018 Sabrina was terminally diagnosed with Sporadic CJD and was told she had 2 months to live. She was only 35, married to her husband Brent, mommy to 2.5 year old Scarlett and 12 weeks pregnant with her second child. In summer 2019 her sypmtoms developed at a rapid pace. It took away her speech, her memory, her ability to walk and do things for herself like eat and get dressed.
When you hear a loved one has a terminal illness it literally takes your breath away. Learning about CJD and knowing what was to come in the next few months made it seem impossible to believe this was real. Knowing that Sabrina would be unable to communicate, walk, or eat within a few weeks was heartbreaking but we were beside her every step of the way. During the few months she was at home we all cared for her as best we could with Brent (Sabrina's husband) and her mom being her main care givers. We would have family dinners, friends would come and we would tell stories which at times would bring a smile to her face and/or a good laugh. These were great moments that gave us hope that she was still with us, remembering those stories.
Every few weeks a new development or issue had to be discussed in regards to Sabrina and/or the baby's well being. These were very emotional times for our family and personally, they still impact me today. Decisions around life support, the viability of her baby, feeding tubes, baby safe medications, home/hospital care and other decisions were made to the best of our ability with what we believed Sabrina would have wanted had she had the cognitive ability.
In October 2019 Sabrina received a feeding tube which would keep her and the baby nourished.
With each passing week baby girl was growing beautifully. At 28 weeks gestation we made a decision to have Sabrina admitted into the Antepartum unit of the Lois Hole Robbins Pavilion. This was so baby could be monitored more closely and we could have help to care for Sabrina. The doctors and nurses cared for Sabrina like she was their family. The loved on us and made our time there easy and comfortable. They became friends who we still see and talk to today. They impacted our lives just like Sabrina impacted theirs.
On January 11, Sabrina was scheduled to deliver baby girl by Casearan section. It was an incredibly emotional and stressful morning. We knew Sabrina had the best doctors and nurses but we didn't know how this procedure would affect Sabrina. Sabrina’s strength, love for life, determination, and the motherly fight within her were the attributes that helped her to bring Stella Sabrina Lauman into our lives, weighing a healthy 5lbs 8 oz. Sabrina held on past everyone’s expectations to make sure her baby survived.
With help, Sabrina held her sweet baby girl everyday. There were times she looked right at Stella and we were filled with hope once again that she was there, in the moment, looking at her sweet daughters face and sending Stella her love.
On February 4th, almost 6 months after her diagnosis, and on Stella’s original due date, Sabrina took her last breath. She left us peacefully and surrounded in love by her family and friends.
This journey has left me a roadmap of emotional and mental scars that I hope for no one else to have. Yet, this journey has also been reflective. I do my best to turn my sadness into joy. When I feel sad I allow myself that moment but I also remember the good, the smiles, the laughs, the fun times and it heals my heart. The heartache will never go as I will always miss her being here with us but Sabrina will always be here in her daughters smiles and laughs, in their sassyness, in the moments when the season's turn from green to gold and then to snow, in the smell of freshly brewed coffee enjoyed from a cute little mug, in the braiding of hair, in the warmth of a sweater or blanket on a crisp cool morning.
Thankfully, we have each other and the memories Sabrina gave us. She will live on within all of us and within her daughters.
She is not here in the physical sense but I’m so thankful for all the lovely, sweet things she left behind in our memories, in our hearts and in our lives.
Gone is not forgotten.
It is well with my soul.
Sabrina fought so hard and so now we fight to end CJD.